It’s a well-known fact that most people feel rather nervous before and on their first date. Unless you are an experienced pick-upper, you probably feel unrest before meeting your date for the first time. From the psychological point of view, it is understandable, since meeting an new person for the first time presents many unknown and unexpected aspects, and everything what is unknown and unpredictable, makes us nervous. Sometimes, the anxiety can be that strong, that it can virtually ruin your date. What to do in order to keep your nervousness under control? Luckily, there are several techniques which can help you keep your anxiety under control. Choose those, which work better for you.
1. Plan your meeting together
Since we often can feel unresty about unknown situation with some uncertainties, try to take control of the situation and participate in the planning of your date. Discuss the activities you can do together when you see each other for the first time. Try to plan something what you really like and enjoy, this will help you feel more relaxed.
2. Meet in a safe public place
Traditionally, safety concerns are more important for girls, however, common sense tells us that it should be an important concern for both sexes. Thinking about the safety of your dating might also cause nervousness. So, to eliminate this problem, arrange your first meeting in a public place. However, it shouldn’t be necessarily your place.
3. Get familiarized with the place
A good way to diminish your stress on a date is to get acquainted with the place before hand. Take a walk, have a look at the cafés and lounges in the neighborhood, study their menus, etc. It will definitely help you feel more at ease in the new surroundings with a stranger.
4. Plan some activities together
One of the possible ways to create a nonchalant easy atmosphere is to participate in some neutral activities together, where you can have a chance to discuss things together, share your opinions and experiences. An art exhibition, museum, theater, etc, can be a good example. For some people, sitting across the table in the restaurant or café with a stranger resembles an interview and can cause more stress and anxiety than necessary. If it is your case, choose an art gallery or a match, or other similar activity.
5. Make your first date short
You may never know in advance whether you’ll like in real life a new person you knew before only virtually. This uncertainty may also contribute to your state of anxiety. To reduce it, don’t plan your first date too long. If you like each other, you can always make a second appointment.
6. Prepare a way out
When you meet someone for the first time in real life, there is also a chance that this person doesn’t appear to be the same as you imagined while talking in chat or on the phone. In such case you can use polite ways to disappear, like a call of a friend with fake emergency, etc. Knowing that you always have a way out of the situation will help you feel more secure and hence, less anxious.
7. A glance from a certain perspective
If thinking about your upcoming first date makes you too anxious, try to look at the fact with the eyes of the external onlooker or even yourself from a distance. Just think that you may be won’t even remember this date a month later. So, why bother so much and spend so much nerves?
8. A classical method of auto-persuasion might work well for you
This method is called differently on the opposite sides of the globe. In the West it is referred to as auto-persuasion, while in the East it is usually called mediation. However, the essence doesn’t differ that much. The goal of the method is to persuade oneself to stay calm, tranquilize one’s anxieties with the force of one’s mind. The method works well if you have an important business meeting, presentation, conference, concert, or any other important stressful event. So, why not using meditation before your date?
9. Breathing techniques
It is a well known fact that the way we breathe, influence our heart beat, blood pressure, and other important physiological parameters, which in its turn, influence our psychological state. That is why by using some breathing techniques, you can control your nervousness. For example: make a series of long breaths, etc.
10. Create your play list
Science has persuasively demonstrated that music has the power to influence our state of mind. Music therapy is based on this fact. So, to keep your level of nervousness before the first date under control, you can create your personalized play list for that very occasion.
11. A trick that works for both sexes but is more effective for women
Taking care of one’s appearance makes one feel more self-confident and secure, and hence, reduces nervousness. Indeed, psychologists noticed, that the process of applying makeup helps many women not only to feel more self-confident but also to calm down at the same time. The same goes for the visits to the beauty parlor, hair dresser, nail bar, etc. It is not only a way to beautify oneself but to relax as well, and therefore, reduce a state of anxiety.
12. Plan other important things the same day
If your agenda is full of important things to do on the same day of your first meeting with a new person, it will surely demonstrate you that there are other more important things in the world. Hence, it makes no sense to worry about it.
13. Be curious
It has been observed, that shifting focus from your state of mind, your nervousness and anxiety to a new person in front of you, can help you feel less nervous. Be curious about the person in front of you, ask sincere questions and listen to their answers. It will distract you from your anxiety.
Going to a first date might be stressful because you overload it with your anxieties and expectations. You are not sure whether you’ll like this new person in real life and vice versa. But instead of seeing it from a romantic perspective, try to view the first meeting as a possibility to start a new friendship. It will make you feel less stressed. Besides, as psychologists hold, friendship lies at the basis of all successful relations.
15. Others also feel nervous
It might be of some comfort to you to know that also other people feel nervous on their first date, unless they are experienced pick-uppers. So, you are not the only one to go through this situation. And this already make your situation less scaring and stressful.
You may also consider interesting 15 tips for men who are afraid to go on a date with woman